


Somebody Else's Problem

by VixxN (KobutoriRisu)



Series: Eommas Need Downtime [3]
Category: EXO (Band), GOT7, Kpop - Fandom, VIXX, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Cuddly Tentacle Gods, Gen, Group chat, Laundry monsters, M/M, Of course Hakyeon has minions, Rare and unexplained events, Terribly irresponsible things behind closed doors, There is never a good reason for war, dreadful fashion, implied ships, tiny umbrellas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 14:37:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11061060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KobutoriRisu/pseuds/VixxN
Summary: The eommas are back, and this time they're recruiting an appa.





	1. Prologue

**Group chat >> Mom-date**

 

**Jinyoung**

I have someone I think should join our support group.

 

**Junmyeon**

Oh yes?

 

**Jinyoung**

But we'd need to change the name. He's an appa, not an eomma.

 

**Junmyeon**

An appa? Who?

 

**Jinyoung**

Namjoon.

 

**Hakyeon**

Oh, he's cute.

 

**Junmyeon**

Hakyeon, conditions of entry don't depend upon our cuteness.

 

**Hakyeon**

So you say. However I would like to point out that you're both totally adorable, so clearly my nefarious plan is coming to fruition.

 

**Junmyeon**

You are obviously a cunning mastermind. I would like to register my interest in becoming one of your minions.

 

**Hakyeon**

Oh my sweet, sweet summer child. What makes you think you aren't already one of my minions?

 

**Jinyoung**

I wonder what the stylists did with our Stop Stop It minions outfits? I could provide uniforms.

 

**Junmyeon**

I refuse to dress like that and I've worn curly toed shoes. How could you even suggest it? Don't you remember what you looked like?

 

**Jinyoung**

I couldn't actually see past my hairstyle. That and I might have selective memory loss from around that time period.

Anyway, back to Namjoon - what do you think?

 

**Hakyeon**

Oh yeah totally. From what I've seen of Bangtan, Jin isn't exactly a mommy of authority. Namjoon must be doing all the heavy lifting.

 

**Junmyeon**

and he's just a kid.

 

**Jinyoung**

He's the same age as me!

 

**Junmyeon**

and he's just a kid.

 

**Jinyoung**

Rude.

 


	2. Chapter 2

 “I call to order the weekly/bimonthly/whenever we can actually get our schedules to match/annual meeting of the Parents Who Don't Get No Respect Club,” Hakyeon announced, grinning.

“Once again, far too much of a mouthful,” Junmyeon said, looking at him with a level gaze.

“I enjoy a good mouthful,” Hakyeon replied with an innocent expression on his face.

“Oh my god, hyung,” Junmyeon protested.

“Parent support group will do,” Jinyoung said.

“You two are no fun. Why do I associate with you?” Hakyeon sighed dramatically.

“Apparently because we're cute,” Jinyoung replied.

“Good point!” Hakyeon said cheerfully.

“Uh,” Namjoon said cautiously. “What do you guys actually do here?”

“Drink,” Junmyeon said, doing exactly that.

“Vent,” Jinyoung added.

“Discuss skin care routines and what are the best lip balms,” Hakyeon said.

“What, really?” Namjoon asked.

“No,” Jinyoung said, raising an eyebrow at Hakyeon who grinned around his straw.

“Give each other terrible advice, which we take even though it's terrible and we know it,” Junmyeon said.

“Get away from the kids and let them be someone else's problem,” Hakyeon supplied.

“Someone else's problem,” Junmyeon sighed happily.

“To someone else's problem!” Jinyoung said raising his glass.

“Someone else's problem!” the other three chorused before drinking.

“That's a great name for our group,” Junmyeon said, after downing the rest of his drink and signaling the waitress to bring more.

“To Someone Else's Problem!” Hakyeon said, the capitals apparent in his voice.

“I can see this isn't going to end well,” Namjoon said, dutifully raising his glass.

“If we go home off our faces,” Junmyeon grinned, “that is ALSO someone else's problem.”

“I'm starting to see the benefits of this group,” and Namjoon took another swallow of his drink.

 

 

As Namjoon set his glass down, just a little too heavy, the glass first cracked, and then broke into two large pieces, the remnants of the liquid contents falling on the table. “Dammit!” he said, irritated, staring at the piece left in his hand.

“Are you okay?” Jinyoung asked, worried.

Hakyeon scurried around the table, plucking the broken glass out of Namjoon's hand and inspecting his hand, front and back, for any signs of damage.

Junmyeon waved over a server who mopped up the spilled liquid with a cloth.

“It looks okay,” Hakyeon announced after his thorough inspection, but failed to let Namjoon's hand go.

“It's fine,” Namjoon said. “This sort of thing happens to me all the time. It's why the guys call me the God of Destruction,” he added a bit mournfully.

“Aww, Joonie,” Hakyeon said, releasing the hand, but then wrapping him up in a hug.

Namjoon looked surprised at first, mouthing 'Joonie,' at Jinyoung over Hakyeon's shoulder. Then, after a moment, he relaxed into the hug. “I could get used to this,” he muttered.

 

 

Several drinks later and a war emerged upon the small wooden field that was the table top.

“Yah!” Hakyeon said, brandishing his tiny umbrella like a rapier and threatening Junmyeon. Junmyeon immediately armed himself with his own tiny umbrella and they proceeded to have the least productive battle in the history of battles. When both umbrellas were just torn paper and bent wood they turned to look at Namjoon and Jinyoung.

“So? Who was the victor?” Junmyeon asked.

“Sanity,” Jinyoung replied, “now that your weapons are broken and ruined on the ground. Don't you know there is never a good reason for war?”

Junmyeon and Hakyeon regarded him a moment then turned to Namjoon. Namjoon took a long drink and stared at them over the top of his glass.

“Good answer,” Junmyeon said.

“Very dad,” Hakyeon agreed.

Junmyeon smiled a little sadly, “It's nice being around a dad. Being a single mom sucks.”

“Awww, don't be like that!” Hakyeon said pulling Junmyeon sideways into a hug. “Hey, just adopt Namjoon. I mean, if Jin has a boyfriend on the side he can hardly protest if Namjoon has a girlfriend.”

“Who are you calling a girlfriend?” Junmyeon said pulling away and glaring at Hakyeon.

“You know you're a total MILF, Junmyeon,” Jinyoung said, hiding his smile behind his hand.

“What's a MILF?” Junmyeon asked suspiciously.

“Oh my God no, you are not teaching him what a MILF is,” Namjoon said, aghast. “How do you even KNOW what a MILF is? It has to have been one of your foreigners, right? Normally I would assume Jackson, but considering the way Mark looks at you, I'm blaming the American. Regardless which one it was though, the Chinese ones might be pretty, but they are bad influences.”

“Why are the Chinese ones always so pretty?” Hakyeon said.

“The Chinese ones!” Junmyeon wailed into his drink.

 

 

“Oops. We shouldn't talk about the Chinese ones,” Jinyoung said.

“Well if we need a change of topic, I want to know something,” Hakyeon said, leaning on his hand, eyes sparkling. He looked directly at Namjoon. "So if you and Jin are married. Do you have... conjugal rights?”

Namjoon choked on his drink and looked at Hakyeon with big watery eyes.

“Give him a bit more time to settle in before you grill him about his love life,” Jinyoung said, patting Namjoon on the back.

“Well what about you then?” Hakyeon said, turning his attention to Jinyoung. “I mean, I know the fans all ship all of your group with everyone else,”

“How exactly do you know that?” Junmyeon asked.

“I read, hush,” Hakyeon said, turning back to Jinyoung. “but Namjoon is onto it too. There's something about you and Mark. You look at each other with such adoration, like all the time.”

Jinyoung didn't answer, but his face held a tiny smile as he looked away from Hakyeon.

“I hope you do terribly irresponsible things to him behind closed doors,” Hakyeon said in a stage whisper.

“Actually, he does terribly irresponsible things to me behind closed doors,” Jinyoung replied softly, cheeks decidedly pink.

“Nice.”

 

 

“Is he always like this?” Namjoon said, leaning towards Jinyoung.

“When it's just us?” Jinyoung looked directly at Hakyeon as he said, “Usually he's much worse. You haven't seen the cuddly tentacle god emerge yet. Once you do, it's game over.”

Hakyeon threw a balled up napkin at him and kept drinking.

Satisfied at the response from Hakyeon, Jinyoung turned to Namjoon. “He's just messing around. He doesn't really get much time off and he likes to have fun with us. But despite appearances he's one of the best people you could have on your side. He's always there for you if you need him.”

“Oh my God Jinyoung, you are such a cutie.” Hakyeon said, launching himself in Jinyoung's general direction.

“And I just finished saying you need to be careful,” Jinyoung said, standing up and putting the table between them. “And then I go unleash the God myself. There's no hope for me, save yourselves.”

“You know it's worse for you if you resist. Now stand still take your snuggle like the adorable maknae you are,” Hakyeon demanded.

 

 

One spine cracking hug later, and Hakyeon was once again seated in his own chair. “Ah! I'm so jealous!” he sighed looking at Jinyoung with enormous eyes. “I want someone to do terribly irresponsible things to me.”

“So you and Taekwoon....”

Hakyeon laughed. “No. Not even. I terrify Taekwoon most of the time. And the rest of them are six. What I really need is someone who can tolerate my PDA, but turn it on in private.” He turned his gaze back to Namjoon who choked on his drink again. Hakyeon laughed delightedly. “We've already established you're married. Be calm Joonie. Although, I do kinda want to cuddle you until you pop.”

“I did warn you,” Jinyoung said, giggling at Namjoon's expression.

“Can you cuddle me until I pop?” Junmyeon asked, still looking a little wistful.

Hakyeon opened his arms and with a smile Junmyeon sat himself down on Hakyeon's lap and was firmly wrapped up in his arms.

“Aww,” Jinyoung said to Junmyeon, “you look so happy now.”

“My cuddly ones are also beagles. It's hard to get a proper hug when I have them zip tied more often than not.”

“You could sit on them instead of using the zip ties. I've seen your abs. You aren't exactly frail, even if you are pocket sized for convenience.”

“I'll give you pocket sized for convenience,” Junmyeon protested, “I'm not that little.”

Jinyoung grinned. “Your official bio totally lies. You're pocket sized. Do you want us to all stand up to prove a point?”

“You're all giants,” Junmyeon grumbled.

“I am the tallest in my group,” Namjoon said, shrugging. “But I'm hardly a giant. I'm 181 centimeters.”

“I'm kinda average in mine,” Jinyoung said. “I'm only 178. At least, I was. I might have grown? Mark complained he had to go up on his toes more to kiss my cheek last time.”

“Last time,” Hakyeon sighed. “Life with someone who kisses you if you stand still long enough. How marvellous. Anyway, I'm the little one in VIXX!” Hakyeon said, tightening his arms around Junmyeon affectionately. “I don't get called a giant, ever. Have you met Hyukie?” He squashed his nose into Junmyeon's cheek. “You're the cutest.”

“Oh,” Namjoon said staring at Hakyeon, “that's true isn't it? You are the little one.”

Hakyeon nodded, “Tiny and adorable!”

“Tiny my ass! You're the same height as Jinyoung!” Junmyeon protested some more. “All of VIXX are giants! What do they FEED you?”

“What do you feed Chanyeol? I mean, seriously. When he hangs out with Yoongi they have to use walkie-talkies to communicate. You must spend hours just providing him with enough nutrition,” Namjoon added.

“Chanyeol does most of the cooking, he feeds himself.”

“Ooh, you've trained your kids to be independent. I like it.” Hakyeon squeezed Junmyeon again. “You're a good mommy."

 

 

Junmyeon's phone vibrated on the table. He picked it up, and looked pained as he checked the message.

“Apparently Kyungsoo has had enough of the beagles. He told me to come back or he'd upload pictures of my room to twitter.”

“You're untidy?” Hakyeon said incredulously.

“You look like the kind of monster who puts laundry away as soon as it's done,” Namjoon agreed.

“What's wrong with that?” Jinyoung asked, looking slightly offended.

The other three squinted at him judgmentally.

“Shut up,” Jinyoung said.

“Right. So do you need to go?” Hakyeon asked, turning back to Junmyeon.

“I don't respond to terrorists. If I start giving in to threats, where will we be? Beagles on the loose. Everyone wearing far too much eyeliner. Also, and this might be the deciding factor, I'm no where near drunk enough yet.”

“How do you know when you're drunk enough?” Namjoon asked.

“You don't. But eventually someone removes one too many layers of clothing, sends angry texts to their ex or falls asleep. It isn't pretty, but it is cathartic,” Junmyeon said.

“And when he says someone,” Jinyoung says, “he means himself.”

Junmyeon put his phone down and kept drinking. "I regret nothing. Drink up, losers. I aspire to see your abs one day. Then I can gloat to all of your fans. It'll be like sighting the Loch Ness Monster. Or BamBam in flats. Yoongi not wanting more sleep. Jackson keeping his shirt on. Taekwoon smiling. You know. Rare and unexplained events."

"Not going to happen," Hakyeon replied. "But the drinking will. Jjan!"

"I'm going to regret this in the morning, aren't I?" Namjoon said, raising his glass again.

  


  


☆.~.☆.~.☆


End file.
